It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
