So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
