My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you win again, gameday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
