like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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