i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
