New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
