Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
