He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
