My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
