i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
