Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
