i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
