he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
