just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's never too late to be topless.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
