Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
