turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
