i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
