There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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