He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
