Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
