Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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