dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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