I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
