as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize