just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
