the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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