Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
