My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
