My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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