the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
