I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
