I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
