The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You can't motorboat a personality
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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