Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
