I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
