can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
