You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
