My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
