I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
