there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
