Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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