So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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