You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
