i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
