i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
