so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
