I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
