..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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