It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
