What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
