eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
