let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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