Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
what day is it and did you see me today?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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